Let’s Talk About The Bedroom…

Okay, admittedly this probably isn’t something you really want to read about first thing in the morning, let alone a Monday morning (when this was posted), but I’m just gonna come out and talk about that big-assed elephant in the room, because it affects everyone’s performance.


I bet the sheets are still warm, am I right? Pillow still formed from your dream-laden head? Significant other probably doesn’t even know you’re gone. In fact, think about what awaits you today…then think about from where you just came.

Oooh, easy choice, isn’t it?

So…what’s keepin ya from just dumpin that coffee and slinking your still tired widdle body back up those creaky widdle steps and gently and oh-so-decadently sliding once more between the comfort of those ever-tempting, ever-beckoning bed sheets and pillows?

Oh, the morning can be a cruel mistress, can it not?


We all need it, unless you’re a supernatural creature or a rock. The amount of time is constantly contested, but every human being needs to sleep…or they’ll die. That simple.

Writers–and most of the population, I’m finding–are so dang sleep deprived (and I’m talking how one feels, not so much the number of hours one gets), it would behoove us that what sleep we do get…is quality.

So, we return to the elephant.

How’s your bed? Is it comfy? Have sufficient firmness? Bed bug free (sorry, had to press that button just for the pure shock value)?  Well, if your answers aren’t satisfactory, you might wanna consider a new one. I know, times are tough, but some things you just can’t live without, and getting a good night’s sleep is one of them. I’m no doctor–don’t even play one on TV–but if you’re not waking up fully rested, your body creaky, it might be time to reevaluate the performance of something else in your bedroom….

Now, have you been shopping for one lately?

Good, fricking Lord. There is so much out there and so little help. For something as important as sleep, you’d think there’d be all this research and concrete information available. Everywhere.


Chiropractors can’t even agree. Doctors, same boat. Heaven forbid you ask a salesperson….

Sure, there’s stuff all over the Internet, but nothing of any real value in any of the stores we visited. Just what kind of bed do you need?

Hard. Soft. Medium. Princess-and-the-pea. Sponge or springs?

There is no one answer to that. There just isn’t. We’ve looked. Everyone’s answer contradicts the previous and the next. I truly feel that there’s more than one type of bed that can work for a body. All I know is that one day, my wife and I walked into one store after we’d slept around town (heh-heh–had to get that in there, too)…on different store display mattresses, and, well, I’m not embarrassed to say…one of them…ummmm…well…uhhh…

Spoke to me.

I had finally found the one that–when I lie down in it–I felt like I was being seduced into sleep! Oh, it was unrestrained and totally self-indulgent!  I tell you, I had to fight to keep my eyes open! And all this while all manner of people walked by the showroom! It was that comfortable. I had zero control over my instantly heavy eyelids. I didn’t care who saw me uncontrollably doze off, all wakefulness sucked right out of me! I felt embraced within the arms of angels! Enfolded within heavenly clouds! Hushed, pacified, and calmed by agents of preternatural forces!

We had been checking out many a bed–and believe me there is no substitute to this, you simply have to physically go to each store location and it’s (again, pardon the pun) exhausting, but you have to lie down on each bed-of-interest and be there for many (I forget what it is, but it’s more than 2 seconds) minutes and see if the dang things work for you. It takes time for the bed and your body to mold to each other. Even after you buy one, it’ll take something like a month or so before you “acclimatize” to your new sleeping companion (so find a company that will give you a 30-day try out period when you do buy one). But, you just gotta do it.

We did the Internet research. Asked the opinion of many, even watched YouTube videos on how to pick the “right bed for you!” It is not the intent of this post to give you all the tips and whatnot, but to get you to think about whether or not you are getting quality sleep for the sleep you do get. Research, then get out there and sleep around…the floor models. It’s the only way. If you and your significant other can’t agree, consider a Sleep Number bed. We liked Simmons Beautyrest.

But in this crazy world we live in, where more and more is asked of us, and less sleep is fast becoming the norm, it is imperative that what sleep we do get be quality. Deep. Refreshing. Before this bed, when I awoke, bing, bang, BOOM!, I was awake and out of bed. Now…I tremble with impending separation anxiety.

Five more minutes?

Five’ll get you fifteen…then an hour later….

Oh, how the sultry, silver-tongued Siren does beckon!

Um, excuse me….


About fpdorchak

Upmarket paranormal fiction author. I write gritty, Twilight Zone-like fiction. Please check out my website: https://www.fpdorchak.com/! Thank you for stopping by!
This entry was posted in Health, Uncategorized, Writing. Bookmark the permalink.

10 Responses to Let’s Talk About The Bedroom…

  1. maramissive says:


  2. Karen Lin says:

    OK. I’ll confess it hurts to sleep on those expensive hotel pillow-tops. My husband, Wen, loves them. I’m better on the floor. Good and hard. Wen and I need different types of bed. Finally I got a logical explanation for this. It’s all about what position you sleep in. Stomach sleepers (like me) need more support and back sleepers who distribute more evenly – and not cocked tenuously on the side – conform better to the mushier surface. I’d take a serious look at the two sided beds except that we spoon kind of all over each other. How does one deal with that? Suggestions?

    • fpdorchak says:

      Karen: best I can tell you (and keep it “clean”! ;-] ) is to check out the *independent* coils. Beds like Stearns & Foster are real firm because all their “individual” coils are ALL CONNECTED. Other beds, like Beautyrests, are all totally independent coils, but built tough (have to check the individual beds). We didn’t get too much into the “Tempur-Pedic (http://www.tempurpedic.com/tempur-pedic/Beds.asp) / ComforPedic” (http://www.simmons.com/products/brands/comforpedic/index_html.html) beds, cause of the generated heat from the foam (though they claimed to have better corrected that). Those times when I have slept on my stomach on our older beds would leave me stiff and sore in the morning, but not with the new bed. But I can’t do that every night or I will, eventually, get sore. Other thing is…when you “sleep around,” it, uh, really helps, if you “hang” out like you typically sleep. Just keep in mind…you ARE in public! An alternative? Search for hotels that have the kinds of beds you’re interested in and sleep in them for a night. Yeah, nuthin’s cheap, but in the long run you’ll definitely benefit!

      Hope this helps!

  3. Greg says:

    This is exactly why I stuff straw into a cardboard box and curl up in the corner by the stove.

  4. Cathy says:

    I’m getting more sleep than I’ve gotten in the past 10 years… This is on a FUTON mattress of all things!!

  5. Ron H says:

    Sleep? Sleep? What the heck is that?

    We have a bed that actually works well for us, when we get in it. It’s one that has two adjustable sides kind of like hospital beds side by side but with much nicer mattresses. Then of course, all the bells and whistles are pretty useless if you’re not in it. Or when, just a couple of hours after snuggling in, the world-famous-SailorTheDog-yellow-labrador alarm clock starts yarking.

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