The Animal

The Animal: The Dyson DC39, Radial Root Cyclone™ Canister Vacuum

The Animal: The Dyson DC39, Radial Root Cyclone™ Canister Vacuum

And by “The Animal,” I mean the Dyson DC39 Animal, 275 AW, Ball™ technology, Radial Root Cyclone, HEPA filtered, canister vacuum cleaner.

Anyone remember Tim The Tool Man Taylor and his trademark simian-like grunts?

Well, earlier this year, we got one—and at a pretty good discount from Sears, of all places—and this bad boy mamajamma really gets the business done. I mean, it really makes you wanna vacuum.

I jest not.

Guys are somewhat visually oriented. Sometimes we’re also, well…a little “thick” when it comes to certain things.

Like vacuuming.

When my wife and I do the housecleaning, we divide up the duties. I get the honor of vacuuming. Now, I have to admit, I’ve kinda always liked “making things come clean,” I know, it’s a weird thing and some may beg to differ…but it’s true. I’m not obsessive at all about it (some may heartily agree here…), but I have my moments. Well, when informed that I really should vacuum every other week—perhaps even every week—I kinda, um—balked. Yes, balked.  We used one a those “closed canister” vacuums before…The Animal.

We’ll never go back.

One day, I thought, okay, I’ll vacuum the “every other week,” and I’ll see just how much is picked up by the Dyson DC39.  You see, folks, The Animal has a see-through canister, where you can actually see the dirt pile up, and—bonus!—it spins around really, really fast!  So, in essence, it’s kinda like a video game! And…since guys are largely visual in nature, we get to see the actual fruits of our labor—not to mention the 275 AW Ball™ and Radial Root Cyclone technologies—in action!

<cue Tim The Tool Man Taylor trademark simian grunt!>

Now, when I first grabbed hold of this bad boy, my first impression was not immediate love. It’s made of light plastic (it’s only 22.9 pounds). If you’re not flexin’ and strainin’ your muscles under the heft of at least a 30-pound slug, why bother, right? Where’s the substance to the equipment? But I have to say, it’s light for a reason, and that reason makes it easier to handle for those not ape-strong for the more anchor-weighted machines of yore. But, what really got my attention, and fast, what really absolutely, positively hooked me was its ability to pick up animal hair—pa-ronto. This thing is engineered to pick up animal hair and dander, and this baby delivers. What used to take me, say, 15 minutes…now takes me less than 5.

And when I checked the canister after just one room…the canister was full.

That means that what I’d thought was clean from my previous vacuuming was a bald-faced lie.

It wasn’t clean. Not even remotely.

But I discovered another fact: it was actually fun vacuuming with this piece of haut technology, cause it was so badass. It was quieter, faster, and easier. I could see the dirt…whipping around in the canister. It was now like I wanted the house to be dirty—really dirty—the dirtier the better, so I could go around sucking up even more dirt, seeing more dirt swirl around inside the canister, emptying the immediate fruits of my labor.

I…had become…a Hunter of Dirt.

<grunt!>

Me and The Animal against the soils of the world…roaming free on the untamed carpeted (and hardwood-ed) wildlands of domesticated terrain…alone with my thoughts…my hardware…my finely honed senses and skill…and a hungry HEPA filter.

And I was good at it.

I could say I “bagged” more than my limit at every outing—but there is no bag. Just that wonderful, see-through canister (ooh, isn’t she a beauty?).

So, if you can swing it, I highly recommend the Dyson DC39 Animal, 275 AW, Ball™ technology, Radial Root Cyclone, HEPA filtered, canister vacuum.

Carpets shudder with antici…pppa…tion…at its approach.

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About fpdorchak

Paranormal fiction author.
This entry was posted in Comedy, Health, Leisure and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to The Animal

  1. Wendy Brydge says:

    LOL! I’m so ashamed right now that when I replied to your tweet about vacuuming the other day, Frank, I honest to God did NOT notice that a blog post link was attached to it! I know, how terribly observant of me, right? Seeker of Truth my rear… O_O

    There are few things in life that bring more pleasure than witnessing the love of a man and his vacuum. I’m glad you two hit it off so well.

    May you and the Animal have many wonderful years of dirty discovery together. ;D

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